Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
