it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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