Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
