Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize