So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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