Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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