My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
