You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
