Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
