I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
