I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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