Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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