Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize