seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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