There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
