i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
