If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
