Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
