just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
