If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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