Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
