well you can't waste a boner
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So vagazzling was a success
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
