Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
