I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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