Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
