I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we should paint friendship bongs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
