pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
