Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There r osticjed everywhere
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
