mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
