pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
