Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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