You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
