He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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