what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
