I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
