AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
