i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
