the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
