How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
