I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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