The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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