Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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