Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the liver wants what the liver wants
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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