I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
