So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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