I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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