he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my liver is dry heaving
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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