Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
