Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
