M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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