Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
