these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
