He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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