Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
