you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
