She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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