do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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