I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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