I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
