This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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