Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
