fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
