I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
id be glad to
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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