I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
