Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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