They should really pass out barf bags in church
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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