im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
