Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
