My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
