I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
