i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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