I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
